California was a lot of fun, and i am entirely glad that i went. its kind of weird though because another pair of friends is now married. i am not but i think that i am o.k. with that. i am slightly commitment-phobic and am not sure that its a step that i want to take right now because its something that requires a lot of thinking and preparation (both with ceremony plans, but also with adjusting how you choose to live your life). This preparation consists of looking at issues that are important as well as looking at things like where are you and your spouse going to live, is someone going to stay home with the kids.... are you going to have kids someday? That kind of stuff. I am not sure about a lot of things in my life, but i am sure about one thing... I would like to get married some day and have a family. But I am waiting for a wonderful guy to realize that I have always been there, and see me for what I really am. An intelligent, independent, faithful and faith-filled, woman with goals, and a strong sense of values that truly aren't archaic.
This thought flows into an issue that I was examining on the plane back from San Francisco. Are my views and values truly archaic? and how indoctrinated am i? It might seem odd that one would even begin to think "how indoctrinated am i?", but it's true. Everyone has certain views that deal with thoughts about how things should be done, how the world should work, or what is considered to be right or wrong. I was having an online conversation with a good friend of mine about nature verses nurture- where i stated something along the lines of "its hard to separate the two because they are so intertwined with what we are taught and who we are because of the values that we have because of the experiences we have." I know for a fact that had i gone to a public university my first year after college i would be very different from the person that i am today. My experiences at a small Christian college helped form my values and what i value. Back to what i was saying earlier (sorry for this huge digression).
Everyone is indoctrinated, its part of being human, and part of being a part of a community. I was raised in a Protestant Christian home, in the Heartland, with strong views on the importance of community involvement, political awareness, a close-knit family and good friends. I guess you could say that my parents were liberal, in the sense that they thought it was important that I make my own choices, and that I accept the consequences for my actions. A good example would be that growing up I never had a curfew. My mum preferred that I was in by 11 on school nights, but it wasn't necessarily said that I had to be in by 11, and if I wasn't I still had to get up early for school the next day. I guess you could say that I have been indoctrinated by the churches I have attended, the schools I have gone too, my family and friends, and the values that I think are important. This is when things become tricky because of how they are entangled. For all purposes of this further attempt to explain my thoughts: values are ideals, goals and actions that are important and a larger part of who a person is. The following is a list of things and ideals that i value:
the freedom of choice/speech
liberty, justice, honesty, faith in people
family and friends
my faith that i have and my relationship with Christ
**such as forgiveness, loving one another ( to name a couple)
Helping people whenever I can
the importance of involvement in the community: whether its a school community, at a job, at a church or if it is even political involvement
equality for every person, the removal of oppression and safe spaces for all people despite gender, sexual orientations, race, religion etc.
knowledge... i am very fond of the cliche "Knowledge is power!"
faithfulness, and saving sex for marriage
There are so many more things that I value but I think that this is a nice little list for all intents and purposes. These are things that are very important to me, and unfortunately there are things on this list that others don't value or feel are archaic, because there is a very different value portrayed in our world, predominately from the media (some of you see where I am going with this). Some view "saving sex for marriage" as archaic and don't see it as important. Its been said that I am old fashioned. Which i guess I can see in some instances but I like progress just as much as the next girl. So I guess I decided that I am not archaic and if "you" are unable to respect these things that I value then its not possible to have any sort of substantial relationship that goes any deeper than being acquaintances.
Its these values that also convict you. Or if you would like to use a non-jargon term... It are these values that cause you to stop, think about what is going on, and determines whether or not you see this path as acceptable. So I don't think that any one person should change their core views to make someone else happy... and i'm talking about religion.
I have kind of lost where I was going with this... but it boils down to this: dont change the core of who you are to make someone with different core values and life experiences happy, and eventually someone will love you for who you truly are and not who you are trying to be to make another happy.
Does this make sense to anyone or have I managed to ramble everyone into confusion?